You Know What Really Grinds my Gears?
About Polyamory
Before we get into it, let’s be clear on language.
In this series, I’ll be using polyam as shorthand for polyamorous. Some folks use “poly,” but that can be confusing or disrespectful to Polynesian people who use “Poly” as a cultural identifier. Out of respect, I choose polyam, and I encourage others to do the same.
There are a lot of things I love about being polyam.
But there are also a lot of things that grind my gears.
Like the way people use “polyamory” as a loophole for honesty.
Or how some folks treat it like an aesthetic rather than an orientation or belief system.
Or the fact that, depending on who you ask, polyamory might mean:
A relationship type
A preference
A belief system
An identity
A personality trait
Or just a convenient word to cover sexual greed and lack of boundaries
None of these definitions are universally wrong.
But the problem is when they’re used interchangeably, without clarity or accountability.
I’ve watched people get manipulated, misled, and deeply hurt by folks who use “polyam” as a shield. I’ve also seen people try to force themselves into polyam dynamics they didn’t actually want, because they thought it made them “evolved” or “free.”
That’s not liberation.
That’s confusion.
And confusion is where harm grows.
Why This Series?
I discovered I was polyam not because it sounded cool or gave me more options, but because every relationship model I was offered felt too small for what my heart, spirit, and truth actually needed.
Polyamory, for me, isn’t just about sex, openness, or novelty. It is about building relationships rooted in consent, clarity, and abundance of care. It is an orientation and a practice, not just a lifestyle aesthetic.
But the reality is, not everyone uses the word the same way. And not everyone uses it with care.
What We’ll Explore
Here’s what’s coming up in this series:
🔹 Post 1: How I discovered I’m polyam and why it’s not just a phase or preference
🔹 Post 2: Why defining polyam as identity, belief, preference, or practice matters
🔹 Post 3: The ways people hide behind “polyam” to avoid accountability
🔹 Post 4: Why you can’t be polyam if you don’t know what it means to commit
🔹 Post 5: Are you dating polyam or living polyam?
🔹 Post 6: What society thinks polyamory is (and why we’re tired)
🔹 Post 7: Dating responsibilities and red flags when dating monogamous people or couples
If any of these topics make you nervous, curious, or defensive, that’s okay. It just means there’s something here for you.
Let’s get into it.
Capt. Chaos